i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
