all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
