my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
