And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
