The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
