I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
