Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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