You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
