did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
