i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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