The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
