You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
