I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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