At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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