the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
