Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
