guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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