well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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