I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
