ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
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I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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