The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
