i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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