did you get engaged???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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