so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted