I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.