I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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