Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.