Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.

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(719): so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself. http://tfl.nu/omuv

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(936): View more from Texas

Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

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(936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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(404): Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip? http://tfl.nu/mroo

Replies (35) Good night (1185) Bad night (5028)
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(520): View more from Arizona

while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.

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(520): while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE. http://tfl.nu/b4l7

Replies (25) Good night (4332) Bad night (1289)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin

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(919): He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin http://tfl.nu/8jd6

Replies (17) Good night (2980) Bad night (1114)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.

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(719): Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right. http://tfl.nu/8sag

Replies (12) Good night (4091) Bad night (1021)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places

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(203): She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places http://tfl.nu/q4g8

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(574): View more from Indiana

Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool

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(574): Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool http://tfl.nu/b45a

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(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(313): I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina http://tfl.nu/zo54

Replies (5) Good night (3028) Bad night (775)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies

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(902): Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years. (1-902): Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies http://tfl.nu/48gx

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(214): View more from Texas

COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!

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(214): COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!! http://tfl.nu/kzi1

Replies (5) Good night (1172) Bad night (788)
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(518): View more from New York

It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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(518): It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear. http://tfl.nu/ktyi

Replies (20) Good night (856) Bad night (1814)
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(760): View more from California

He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

(619): View more from California

he what???

(760): View more from California

Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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(760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag

Replies (6) Good night (2041) Bad night (387)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?

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(720): Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night? http://tfl.nu/17tx

Replies (0) Good night (356) Bad night (214)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.

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(816): Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/g2fz

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