I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
