Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
