she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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