I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
