Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
