I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
