I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
