Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
