Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
