i just wanna soil my oats bro
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
