just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
