Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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