my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
