If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
