she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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