Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
