Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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