How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
