is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
