Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
