She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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