he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
