i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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