Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
