so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He kissed a someone with a penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
