How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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