i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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