Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
