they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
