So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
