got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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