i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
