I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
