did you get engaged???
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
