So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
