My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
