i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
