I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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