dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My liver just broke up with me...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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